Love...

Its a word that is thrown around casually these days. I'm even guilty of using it casually. God has called us to love everyone, but what does it mean when you say I love you. I absolutely LOVE Allen. I'm in love with him. In the past I have loved people, but I have never been in love. Its funny, when people ask you how you know you love someone. I always used to hate it when people would say "You'll just know", but its true. Its different than anything else I have experienced. You just know! Its crazy that I thought I was in love before, because compared to Allen those people in my past mean nothing to me.

It's amazing to me how God HAS written my love story. That sounds corny I know, but as I look back at my life and what He has brought me through I can see the way He saved me from things. He saved me from the wrong people. He saved me from a life that could have been really hard. I'm not saying life won't be hard now, but now I have an AMAZING man of God that I can share my life with. A man that will take care of me and love me. He'll respect me and keep me safe. He will pray with me and lead me in a path toward Christ. Its not just a relationship anymore. Its going to be my life. He is going to be my partner. Any flaw that he has is special, because I still can see the good in those flaws. I love him! I absolutley Love him!

For those who didnt know, we will be getting married August of '09. I'M ENGAGED!

God is the ultimate mover

God taught me something through an Amos Lee song this morning. Its pretty amazing that one song can be so powerful to change your perspective. Music is INCREDIBLE. The lyrics say "The world is so much meaner when your heart is hard." That is something to think about. Why do I see the worst in people sometimes? I don't think I'm looking for the good. It's amazing how your perspective is different then someone who sees the same things as you see everyday. I may see the world as that filled with ignorant people and so many bad things, but to another person it may be a world of "Opportunity." The opportunity to reach out to these people who are hurting. They may see the sales associate as a lovely person who is just hurting, while I saw it as her chance to be a jerk. I think this is our problem as Christians. The world has learned how to love, but we are still stuck in our own holier than thou mindset. This movement of love is growing fast, and we will be left behind if we do not jump the train. The church is so concerned with numbers and legalism, that we forget to love. We forget to reach out to the whore who needs Jesus as much as us. Or the homosexual that in God's eyes is the same as us. The same as me who has just told a lie. Yes, as aweful as you may think that sounds, these sins are equal in the eyes of our God...If you dont think this then you might be worshipping the wrong God. I need to see the world as opportunity, not as sinful people who are "worse off then me." Love is the movement. God is the ultimate mover. "One thing for certain, the pain ain’t gonna stop." We must put an end to the pain. We must catch up with the world and their movement of love. Let's show them that there is something worth living for through our love.

God help me through!

If this is what I have to look forward to then I really dont want to come back.

This week has been great seeing my family and friends. Some of my best friends are here in Pensacola. I have some amazing friends, Cory and Sarah just warm my heart and give me such great joy. They have made me feel a lot better about coming home.

There are some negatives about home....the drama produced by one person in my life that never seems to go away. I cant escape it, and Im getting sick of it. It makes me stressed about coming home.

I miss Shi already, and I know its going to be really hard for me to be away from her. She has become my best friend.

I hate these mixed feelings. One day Im sad about it, the next day Im overly excited and at peace, then something like this happens. I just need a peace that passes all understanding. I need a joy beyond my happiness. I need to praise God for the good around me instead of focusing on the bad. I know it wont happen over night, but Im going to beat this.

Change is coming

Stephen Jenkins once said "These are improbable days my friends. Tomorrow's mundane. All good things must end." So in response to that I'll quote the Beatles and say "Let it be."

Yesterday was a hard day to face. This week might turn out to be harder. The rest of this semester might be harder than that....Then, there is next year. Its scary facing the unknown. Life is filled with ups and downs, and God's will is bigger than mine. I have to ask why all the time though. Why is this plan so good for me? It seems crazy and out of the ordinary. The average person doesnt go through education changes as much as me. Help me to trust God. Help me to be strong through all of this, because you know Im not. Im the least bit of it.

I try to keep on the positive side of things with all of this. The memories I have made are unforgettable. The people Ive met unforgettable. I have the best roommates in the world! I just wish I knew the reason...the plan unfolded. In the past I felt the same way at the time, but looking back Im glad I didnt know what God was doing. The plans He has are always too big for me to grasp and put my brain around. Im going to finish this year out strong.

Ignorance is bliss?

Is it true...Well its not very blissful for the person that is receiving your ignorance. So maybe its not the ignorant ones I'm so frusterated with. I will give them a break. Its those that know what they are doing. Customer service is going down hill real fast. When I worked at Firehouse in high school, I would have been fired if I was the least bit friendly to the customers. In the last week I have experienced some employees at different places including Target and Sonic, that like to treat people like crap. It doesnt matter how friendly you, as a customer, are to them. Everyday is a bad day for them. They say that a smile is contagious. Apparently my smiles arent. I say "how are you?," "Thank you," and "have a nice day," but I dont get that friendly service I expect back from them. I expect...There is the problem. My brother's motto is Expect the worst of people and you will never be disappointed. I am going to embrace this motto. I get discouraged when I see people treating others like they're the reason for their crappy life. I usually feel sorry for both parties, but no longer will I. I will accept that it is a part of life. People are always going to disappoint no matter how much you mean to them, so why can I put my trust in people who I dont know. I can't! There is only one who is steadfast in His love.


Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed yet My UNFAILING LOVE for you will not be shaken. -Isaiah 54:10

We must rely on Him and Him only.

swimming pool stuff

So I was reading a friends blog and he inspired me to write a new blog. He talked about how life is like a swimming pool. In the summer you enjoy it and dont think about the winter when you will have to cover it up. It made me think about how life from here on out is just supposed to get less and less "fun". We have more and more responsibilities as the years go on. As of right now, its all school work. More and more my parents hand me responsibilities that they used to take care of. After thinking about how sad all of this is, I then thought about how with these responsibilities we will receive many blessings. In a few years I will be married to the man of my dreams, God willing. I will be able to spend every day with him. Then somewhere down the road another blessing will come in the form of a beautiful baby boy or girl. Then I will be able to raise this child in the way I choose. As Natasha Bedingfield says "Staring at the BLANK page before you...The rest is still unwritten." We can make life what we want to. I choose to let God write my story. He has many things planned. Many more blessings in disguise. Its kind of like the scenario of a caterpillar. Right now the real world may look scary, but down the road it will be marvelous just like a butterfly.

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